t.v.

While paging through a parenting magazine in a doctor's office I read this advice for healthy marriages: Spend at least 5 hours per week alone together (watching t.v. doesn't count). Call me unimaginative, but what on earth would we do for 5 hours alone, every week? And besides, what's wrong with watching t.v. together?

I don't love t.v. As a teenager I imagined raising bilingual children who snacked on veggies and didn't watch t.v. Instead, our children are decidedly monolingual (the two older kids are taking Latin), live on sugar, and drift from screen to screen. I married a man who likes screens. We have 3 large-screen t.v.s, 2000 channels (give or take), Roku, Netfliks, 3 video game systems, personal hand-held devices, multiple computers. When designing this house N stipulated that we needed to be able to see the t.v. easily from the kitchen or he'd never cook again.

But one great thing about t.v. is that once our kids are watching something they agree upon, they don't fight. And more than that, there's something to be said for shared experience--even if it's a t.v. show, video game, or movie. (Frankly I don't understand the rationale some people have that it's o.k. to watch movies and play video games, but not watch t.v.)

There are several shows we've watched as a family: American Idol (a couple seasons--not this one yet); Amazing Race (one season); Friday Night Lights, which is great for introducing topics like sex education; Glee (parental discretion also advised); and most recently, Top Gear (N and I have other shows we watch after the kids go to bed). Maybe not as memorable and worthwhile as sledding or baseball, but t.v. can nonetheless encourage discussion, good feelings, and a sense of community. If I had to choose between reading different books in the same room or watching the same show together, I'd say that a good show shared brings a greater sense of togetherness than the literature unshared.

N recently remarked, "You should watch more t.v. while you fold laundry." To which I replied, "Maybe you should do more laundry while you watch t.v." Then one day when I'd allowed 3 batches to pile up (spread across my bed to minimize wrinkling), I turned on the Daily Show while I folded. And you know what? N was right. Folding wasn't a chore, and I didn't feel guilty about watching t.v. (funny thing--just today at book group a friend said she allows clean laundry to pile up for that reason). But usually I fold laundry one batch at a time with my 2 year old nearby, so I don't watch t.v. And N has not yet tried my suggestion.