"Why do parents try to control their children?" someone asked at book group. One woman pointed out that we want our kids to avoid making the same mistakes we made, but, of course, we all have to learn from our own mistakes sometimes. Another said that we put so much of ourselves into providing our kids great experiences that we want and expect them to take advantage and be grateful. I think it's a good thing that I teach part-time (i.e., have a hobby, goals, etc.), or I might be more controlling than I am. But Chua, the author of the book we were discussing, is a Yale law professor--certainly not someone who needs to live through her children (though she is not accomplished musically and made her children into concert musicians). One woman in our group theorized that Chua not only needs to control herself, her husband, and her children, but also wants to control everyone within the sound of her voice (This is how you should parent!).
So, what makes some people control freaks? One woman said she decided years ago that she would not be a stage mom because she saw how her friends (and friends' children) suffered under their stage moms. Couldn't the stage moms see what they were doing? And if so, why didn't they stop?
Even though my friends at book group agreed that we shouldn't control our children, the gals on my right and left both said that they blamed their mothers for not pushing them harder, allowing them to quit piano lessons young. Beat that. What's a mom to do? Chua makes the point that if left to their own devices, most children would never choose to practice or work hard. Yes, there are exceptions--children who from birth seek challenges--but most kids need to be motivated. I was one of those kids who needed to be reminded to practice piano for years before I took the initiative. My daughter (age 11), after choosing to play violin, vehemently resisted practicing and lessons. Her teacher said that her friends majoring in music didn't like practicing as children either. But after months of my daughter's complaints, we let her quit. If she ever blames me for allowing her to quit I will first feel very angry and second remind her that quitting was entirely her idea.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
test over
After a 3.5 hour test (that I'm under legal obligation not to discuss), nothing beats coming home to an adorable 3 year old (and her amazing dad, of course). This little girl who literally jumps for joy, tells me she loves to play with me, asks me to read books with her, and is just so darn cute makes me wonder again why I just subjected myself to said test.
My older kids have also asked why.
"I might want to go back to school."
"Why? So you can teach more?"
"Maybe."
"Why would you want to teach more? Then you'd have less time to spend with us."
"But you're in school all day and soon E will be too. I enjoy school, so I might want to go back. This summer you've been bored--I get bored too."
Not this week though. What with lesson prep, grading, kids' activities, the test, neighborhood preschool (my turn to teach last week), volunteering in M's class, and normal household stuff (eating, shopping, etc.), I'm feeling happy for Friday.
Maybe I'll decide not to apply for a PhD program--the scores are good for 5 years; I'm in no rush. Then again, I won't always have an adorable three year old asking me to play.
My older kids have also asked why.
"I might want to go back to school."
"Why? So you can teach more?"
"Maybe."
"Why would you want to teach more? Then you'd have less time to spend with us."
"But you're in school all day and soon E will be too. I enjoy school, so I might want to go back. This summer you've been bored--I get bored too."
Not this week though. What with lesson prep, grading, kids' activities, the test, neighborhood preschool (my turn to teach last week), volunteering in M's class, and normal household stuff (eating, shopping, etc.), I'm feeling happy for Friday.
Maybe I'll decide not to apply for a PhD program--the scores are good for 5 years; I'm in no rush. Then again, I won't always have an adorable three year old asking me to play.
Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies
The friend who introduced me to cake balls served Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies at book group this week. Amazing!
Start with a scoop of cookie dough
Next an Oreo
Top with another scoop of cookie dough
Bake until done
Start with a scoop of cookie dough
Next an Oreo
Top with another scoop of cookie dough
Bake until done
Friday, August 5, 2011
fine line
The summer that my third child was 3 1/2, I suffered a sort of mid-life crisis. I was bored, restless. I had three kids at home who required regular, but not constant, supervision. I was in grad school too, but took the summer off (I take every summer off) because when the kids are out of school I lack the energy to do homework after the kids go to bed (which is when I do most of my work). Although I didn't have big chunks of free time, I had more little chunks than I was used to and I didn't know what to do with myself.
So I was fully expecting a similar restlessness this summer, now that my fourth child is 3 years old. Actually the restlessness started before summer. 2010 was a very full year; summer and fall were my busiest months since grad school. Then winter semester I was teaching one class with an assistant and our youngest was learning to play independently--I had free time again. Don't get me wrong. I love being able to read whatever I want, exercise regularly, and watch a good show after the kids going to bed. But at some point I want to see results for how I spend my time. I need a project.
A few years ago the girl cutting my hair (at a beauty school--so yes, she was a girl, not a woman) asked what I did for fun. That seemed like such a weird question. I told her I taught piano and writing (hobbies, yes, but not entirely fun). She said, "So you like writing and playing piano, then?" Well, no, I don't write much or play piano much--I mostly teach.
In high school I did play the piano, though not exactly for fun, and I wrote for school--not fun. I was involved in a dozen extra-curricular activities, but I haven't found a way to transfer most of those to adult hobbies. As a former yearbook editor, I suppose I should like scrapbooking (I don't--at least not in a big way). As a former dancer I suppose I could take zumba.
So, with free time and free tuition, I'm contemplating going back to school. One thing I've enjoyed through most of my life is school. But I'm not quite ready. Our youngest still has 2 years of preschool before kindergarten, and I'm really not sure if I want to have professors dictating what I read and write about. I am committed, however, to taking the GRE in five weeks--the price is 50% in August and September, so I thought I may as well take it now (scores are good for 5 years; that's the sort of discount shopper I am).
The last couple of days, I haven't felt bored. Just when I thought I had free time, the independent study students start turning things in, family comes to visit, friends come to play, people have birthdays, preschool plans fall through, N lets me read the book he's writing, I find interesting books at the library. School is starting soon--I have a new textbook to read and a syllabus to write. I'll soon have plenty of papers to grade and study abroad to plan (the family end of things).
Sometimes there's a fine line between boredom and stress; the challenge is finding the happy medium. I'm lucky that for the most part my busy times are the result of my choices--having kids, going to school, building a house. I just wonder how many of these mid-life crises can one person have?
So I was fully expecting a similar restlessness this summer, now that my fourth child is 3 years old. Actually the restlessness started before summer. 2010 was a very full year; summer and fall were my busiest months since grad school. Then winter semester I was teaching one class with an assistant and our youngest was learning to play independently--I had free time again. Don't get me wrong. I love being able to read whatever I want, exercise regularly, and watch a good show after the kids going to bed. But at some point I want to see results for how I spend my time. I need a project.
A few years ago the girl cutting my hair (at a beauty school--so yes, she was a girl, not a woman) asked what I did for fun. That seemed like such a weird question. I told her I taught piano and writing (hobbies, yes, but not entirely fun). She said, "So you like writing and playing piano, then?" Well, no, I don't write much or play piano much--I mostly teach.
In high school I did play the piano, though not exactly for fun, and I wrote for school--not fun. I was involved in a dozen extra-curricular activities, but I haven't found a way to transfer most of those to adult hobbies. As a former yearbook editor, I suppose I should like scrapbooking (I don't--at least not in a big way). As a former dancer I suppose I could take zumba.
So, with free time and free tuition, I'm contemplating going back to school. One thing I've enjoyed through most of my life is school. But I'm not quite ready. Our youngest still has 2 years of preschool before kindergarten, and I'm really not sure if I want to have professors dictating what I read and write about. I am committed, however, to taking the GRE in five weeks--the price is 50% in August and September, so I thought I may as well take it now (scores are good for 5 years; that's the sort of discount shopper I am).
The last couple of days, I haven't felt bored. Just when I thought I had free time, the independent study students start turning things in, family comes to visit, friends come to play, people have birthdays, preschool plans fall through, N lets me read the book he's writing, I find interesting books at the library. School is starting soon--I have a new textbook to read and a syllabus to write. I'll soon have plenty of papers to grade and study abroad to plan (the family end of things).
Sometimes there's a fine line between boredom and stress; the challenge is finding the happy medium. I'm lucky that for the most part my busy times are the result of my choices--having kids, going to school, building a house. I just wonder how many of these mid-life crises can one person have?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
not-so-great salt lake
We're kind of pitiful when it comes to taking advantage of the amazing outdoor recreational opportunities surrounding us. When N proposed we take a field trip to the Great Salt Lake, it sounded like a super idea.
We decided to go to Antelope Island, which is west of Syracuse (20 minutes or so north of the city, then another 20 minutes west. I didn't watch the clock, so I'm totally guessing). The last 7 miles of the drive is on a causeway built through the lake, so there's water on both sides and distant mountains all around--it's gorgeous. Arriving around 5:00 p.m., we chose to start at the beach. It was a hot day--the parking lot felt like a barbeque grill. Between the parking lot and the beach is about 200 yards of sand, which had been cooking all day. I didn't know whether to wear my flip flops, which kept throwing sand up onto my legs, or remove them, thereby exposing my entire foot to the scalding sand.
Besides the heat, the other sensation we noticed as we approached the beach was the smell. It was ocean-like, but more pungeant--my son described it as a zoo smell.
We dropped our towels in a heap and headed into the water, stepping on hundreds of brine flies on the way. Now, you'd think that any person standing in the Salt Lake would have an irresistable urge to try floating, right? The thing is, the water isn't exactly clear--more greenish, with a top layer of small, rust-colored brine shrimp (you'd never know they were shrimp unless someone told you--they're tiny)--not exactly enticing. The only one of us who tried floating was our 3 year old and she loved it--couldn't get enough. She also practiced blowing bubbles.
The best thing about being in the Salt Lake, besides just being there, is skipping rocks. Littering the sandy bottom are an endless supply of flat rocks. After 30 minutes or so in the water, when I asked my older children if they were ready to go to shore, they declined--too busy skipping rocks. My daughter decided to keep one of the larger rocks. It looked like Arkansas; we named it Little Rock.
We decided to go to Antelope Island, which is west of Syracuse (20 minutes or so north of the city, then another 20 minutes west. I didn't watch the clock, so I'm totally guessing). The last 7 miles of the drive is on a causeway built through the lake, so there's water on both sides and distant mountains all around--it's gorgeous. Arriving around 5:00 p.m., we chose to start at the beach. It was a hot day--the parking lot felt like a barbeque grill. Between the parking lot and the beach is about 200 yards of sand, which had been cooking all day. I didn't know whether to wear my flip flops, which kept throwing sand up onto my legs, or remove them, thereby exposing my entire foot to the scalding sand.
Besides the heat, the other sensation we noticed as we approached the beach was the smell. It was ocean-like, but more pungeant--my son described it as a zoo smell.
We dropped our towels in a heap and headed into the water, stepping on hundreds of brine flies on the way. Now, you'd think that any person standing in the Salt Lake would have an irresistable urge to try floating, right? The thing is, the water isn't exactly clear--more greenish, with a top layer of small, rust-colored brine shrimp (you'd never know they were shrimp unless someone told you--they're tiny)--not exactly enticing. The only one of us who tried floating was our 3 year old and she loved it--couldn't get enough. She also practiced blowing bubbles.
The best thing about being in the Salt Lake, besides just being there, is skipping rocks. Littering the sandy bottom are an endless supply of flat rocks. After 30 minutes or so in the water, when I asked my older children if they were ready to go to shore, they declined--too busy skipping rocks. My daughter decided to keep one of the larger rocks. It looked like Arkansas; we named it Little Rock.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
good to be home
It's nice to go away for a few days and better to come home.
The first few days of the trip were great: lovely I-70 to Denver/Boulder area, where I'd never been. The verdant hills and farms feel like home. Spent time with two brothers' families, including new babies. Saw an old friend. Browsed through a bookstore, ate Chicago-style pizza and Italian gelato on Pearl Street. July 4 fireworks with panoramic views. Amusement park had good rides and reasonable lines. Complimentary buffet breakfast.
Then we drove north to Laramie (N had a conference there--our going along saved 6 hours driving, a car rental, and hotel room). I'm afraid we had a bad attitude going in--at least, our two older kids did, which made it hard for the rest of us to enjoy the place. The hotel was very nice, which meant it did not offer complimentary breakfast. The good news was that we had two tvs and could hook up the Xbox to one of them. We swam in the hotel pool both days and spent most of the rest of our time in our comfortable hotel room. We did leave the hotel to eat meals and drive to the Snowy Mtns--not quite as close as they appeared on the map, but lovely (and genuinely snowy). The highlight of the drive was seeing two moose 50 yards off the road, but when we opened the window to snap a photo, several mosquitoes swooped in. Daughter A says that seeing two moose was not worth 1.5 hour drive (round trip) and 13 mosquito bites (pretty sure she got most of those July 4). We missed the rodeo by 10 hours, though we probably could have taken in bull riding or mutton busting. Surely we could have gone bowling or to a movie. But my kids didn't want to go anywhere--not even the park (we did go after some bribing/threats)--they just wanted to complain about how stupid Laramie was.
I'm glad to exchange the hotel suite for multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, a nice yard and swing set. And I'm starting to feel anxiety about the prospect of 6 months in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom flat, homeschooling my children (albeit in London, not Laramie).
The first few days of the trip were great: lovely I-70 to Denver/Boulder area, where I'd never been. The verdant hills and farms feel like home. Spent time with two brothers' families, including new babies. Saw an old friend. Browsed through a bookstore, ate Chicago-style pizza and Italian gelato on Pearl Street. July 4 fireworks with panoramic views. Amusement park had good rides and reasonable lines. Complimentary buffet breakfast.
Then we drove north to Laramie (N had a conference there--our going along saved 6 hours driving, a car rental, and hotel room). I'm afraid we had a bad attitude going in--at least, our two older kids did, which made it hard for the rest of us to enjoy the place. The hotel was very nice, which meant it did not offer complimentary breakfast. The good news was that we had two tvs and could hook up the Xbox to one of them. We swam in the hotel pool both days and spent most of the rest of our time in our comfortable hotel room. We did leave the hotel to eat meals and drive to the Snowy Mtns--not quite as close as they appeared on the map, but lovely (and genuinely snowy). The highlight of the drive was seeing two moose 50 yards off the road, but when we opened the window to snap a photo, several mosquitoes swooped in. Daughter A says that seeing two moose was not worth 1.5 hour drive (round trip) and 13 mosquito bites (pretty sure she got most of those July 4). We missed the rodeo by 10 hours, though we probably could have taken in bull riding or mutton busting. Surely we could have gone bowling or to a movie. But my kids didn't want to go anywhere--not even the park (we did go after some bribing/threats)--they just wanted to complain about how stupid Laramie was.
I'm glad to exchange the hotel suite for multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, a nice yard and swing set. And I'm starting to feel anxiety about the prospect of 6 months in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom flat, homeschooling my children (albeit in London, not Laramie).
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sticky Toffee Pudding
I've served this to two different book groups, to positive reviews.
Sticky Toffee Pudding (slightly adapted from Bon Appetit)
12 oz. (about 2 c) pitted, chopped dates
1 c boiling water
1 ¾ c flour
2 t baking powder
½ t baking soda
½ t salt
½ c (1 stick) butter
1 ½ c packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
Toffee sauce or buttermilk syrup (recipes below)
1. Place dates in medium bowl; pour boiling water over, stir, let cool.
2. Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour 13x9 pan.
3. In another medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder, soda, and salt.
4. Using electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until light and fluffy. Add brown sugar and beat until blended (mixture will be grainy). Beat in eggs 1 at a time, mixing well. Beat in vanilla. Stir in flour mixture alternately with date mixture, starting and ending with flour.
5. Transfer batter to prepared pan.
6. Bake until tester comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Spoon ½ c warm toffee sauce or buttermilk syrup over cake, spreading evenly. Bake until sauce is thick and bubbling, about 8 minutes. Cool cake in pan until warm. Serve with remaining toffee sauce. (Every time I've made this the center has sunk and the edges were brown.)
Toffee Sauce
2 ½ c cream
1 c sugar
½ c. butter
½ c. light corn syrup
Bring 1 ½ c. cream, sugar, butter, and corn syrup to boil in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves and butter melts. Reduce heat to medium and boil gently until mixture is thick and deep amber, stirring often, about 35 minutes.
Remove sauce from heat. Whisk in remaining 1 c cream (mixture will bubble vigorously). Strain into medium microwavable bowl. Can be made ahead.
A half batch of toffee sauce is enough.
For book group, I substituted buttermilk syrup for the toffee sauce—it’s faster and less fatty. It’s also delicious with pancakes, etc.
Buttermilk syrup
1 1/2 cups white sugar
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup butter
2 tablespoons corn syrup
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
In a large saucepan (3-4 qt), stir together the sugar, buttermilk, butter, corn syrup, and baking soda. Bring to a boil, and cook for 7 minutes. Remove from the heat, and stir in the vanilla.
Note: the mixture grows big while it cooks.
Sticky Toffee Pudding (slightly adapted from Bon Appetit)
12 oz. (about 2 c) pitted, chopped dates
1 c boiling water
1 ¾ c flour
2 t baking powder
½ t baking soda
½ t salt
½ c (1 stick) butter
1 ½ c packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
Toffee sauce or buttermilk syrup (recipes below)
1. Place dates in medium bowl; pour boiling water over, stir, let cool.
2. Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour 13x9 pan.
3. In another medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder, soda, and salt.
4. Using electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until light and fluffy. Add brown sugar and beat until blended (mixture will be grainy). Beat in eggs 1 at a time, mixing well. Beat in vanilla. Stir in flour mixture alternately with date mixture, starting and ending with flour.
5. Transfer batter to prepared pan.
6. Bake until tester comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Spoon ½ c warm toffee sauce or buttermilk syrup over cake, spreading evenly. Bake until sauce is thick and bubbling, about 8 minutes. Cool cake in pan until warm. Serve with remaining toffee sauce. (Every time I've made this the center has sunk and the edges were brown.)
Toffee Sauce
2 ½ c cream
1 c sugar
½ c. butter
½ c. light corn syrup
Bring 1 ½ c. cream, sugar, butter, and corn syrup to boil in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves and butter melts. Reduce heat to medium and boil gently until mixture is thick and deep amber, stirring often, about 35 minutes.
Remove sauce from heat. Whisk in remaining 1 c cream (mixture will bubble vigorously). Strain into medium microwavable bowl. Can be made ahead.
A half batch of toffee sauce is enough.
For book group, I substituted buttermilk syrup for the toffee sauce—it’s faster and less fatty. It’s also delicious with pancakes, etc.
Buttermilk syrup
1 1/2 cups white sugar
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup butter
2 tablespoons corn syrup
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
In a large saucepan (3-4 qt), stir together the sugar, buttermilk, butter, corn syrup, and baking soda. Bring to a boil, and cook for 7 minutes. Remove from the heat, and stir in the vanilla.
Note: the mixture grows big while it cooks.
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