controlling parents (not mine)

"Why do parents try to control their children?" someone asked at book group. One woman pointed out that we want our kids to avoid making the same mistakes we made, but, of course, we all have to learn from our own mistakes sometimes. Another said that we put so much of ourselves into providing our kids great experiences that we want and expect them to take advantage and be grateful. I think it's a good thing that I teach part-time (i.e., have a hobby, goals, etc.), or I might be more controlling than I am. But Chua, the author of the book we were discussing, is a Yale law professor--certainly not someone who needs to live through her children (though she is not accomplished musically and made her children into concert musicians). One woman in our group theorized that Chua not only needs to control herself, her husband, and her children, but also wants to control everyone within the sound of her voice (This is how you should parent!).

So, what makes some people control freaks? One woman said she decided years ago that she would not be a stage mom because she saw how her friends (and friends' children) suffered under their stage moms. Couldn't the stage moms see what they were doing? And if so, why didn't they stop?

Even though my friends at book group agreed that we shouldn't control our children, the gals on my right and left both said that they blamed their mothers for not pushing them harder, allowing them to quit piano lessons young. Beat that. What's a mom to do? Chua makes the point that if left to their own devices, most children would never choose to practice or work hard. Yes, there are exceptions--children who from birth seek challenges--but most kids need to be motivated. I was one of those kids who needed to be reminded to practice piano for years before I took the initiative. My daughter (age 11), after choosing to play violin, vehemently resisted practicing and lessons. Her teacher said that her friends majoring in music didn't like practicing as children either. But after months of my daughter's complaints, we let her quit. If she ever blames me for allowing her to quit I will first feel very angry and second remind her that quitting was entirely her idea.

test over

After a 3.5 hour test (that I'm under legal obligation not to discuss), nothing beats coming home to an adorable 3 year old (and her amazing dad, of course). This little girl who literally jumps for joy, tells me she loves to play with me, asks me to read books with her, and is just so darn cute makes me wonder again why I just subjected myself to said test.

My older kids have also asked why.
"I might want to go back to school."
"Why? So you can teach more?"
"Maybe."
"Why would you want to teach more? Then you'd have less time to spend with us."
"But you're in school all day and soon E will be too. I enjoy school, so I might want to go back. This summer you've been bored--I get bored too."

Not this week though. What with lesson prep, grading, kids' activities, the test, neighborhood preschool (my turn to teach last week), volunteering in M's class, and normal household stuff (eating, shopping, etc.), I'm feeling happy for Friday.

Maybe I'll decide not to apply for a PhD program--the scores are good for 5 years; I'm in no rush. Then again, I won't always have an adorable three year old asking me to play.

Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies

The friend who introduced me to cake balls served Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies at book group this week. Amazing!

Start with a scoop of cookie dough
Next an Oreo
Top with another scoop of cookie dough
Bake until done