skim milk

I should have known, based on tight waistbands, but the scale's verdict is worse than expected. I consider my options. A couple relatives have recently had success with Weight Watchers, but I lack the commitment (money, time, effort). If I go on a diet, I know I'll think of nothing but food. So, I try to think long term: six from now, I'd like to be 5 pounds lighter. Shouldn't be tough. All I need to do is exercise a few times a week and eat sensibly. That night I bake brownies.

Next day, I reduce portion sizes. Smaller meals, fewer snacks. I tell myself to keep desserts to 100 calories: fun size candy bars, 1 cookie, small bowl of pudding, or 2 bites of cheesecake. I tell myself it's good to feel a little hungry sometimes. For about 2 weeks I stick to my plan (not much exercise, since it's fall semester and I'm swamped) and lose 2 pounds. Then comes December . . . ("I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it," Alice in Wonderland.)

The one benefit of being sick the first week of January is that I take off the 2 pounds that I regained in December. If I'm lucky I can go with the momentum, but I lack resolve. Someone has a baby--I bake cookies. We go out for ice cream--I order premium. Someone has a birthday--I make cake balls (carrot cake, cream cheese frosting, coconut/white chocolate/butterscotch coatings).

So, here's my long-term solution: skim milk. If 1500 calories = 1 lb., then I should lose a pound per month without having to cut desserts, count calories, or join a gym.

N and the kids complain: skim milk is an abomination--what's it doing in our fridge (never mind the 3 gallons of 1%)? I'm not convinced either--after 17 years of 1%, I find that skim tastes like water. Besides, I'm concerned that skim milk will give me a false sense of calorie savings and I'll compensate by adding elsewhere.

The only weight-loss programs that have worked for me were marrying a thin guy with undiagnosed acid reflux (he ate small portions, slowly) and nursing babies (we're done). I'm glad that N can eat like a normal person now (for the past several years, in fact), but his gain is my gain.

A neighbor recently told me has never been into making lavish meals or spending money at good restaurants--she just doesn't care much about food. Weird. I never knew there were people who didn't care about food.

But, then, I guess you wouldn't expect a person who calls her blog "Cake balls" to be thin.

from the 2 year old

That's the song about "Mickey Mouse is Taking a Bath." Let's all sing together--1, 2, 3, 4

Let's call my friend Sophie. She's very, very tiny like me.

I need to check my email.

I see an octagon! (stop sign)

M: You look cold.
E: I look awesome.

S: Ew, gross.
E: Not gross--cute. (referring to her posterior)

M: Ready for a nap?
E: My not tired; my just happy.

M: Why did you put your snack on the floor?
E: It's for my friend's kitty.

E: Where's grandpa?
M: In heaven
E: What's he buying?

red velvet

A neighbor brought cake balls--German chocolate and red velvet. The latter are especially wonderful:
red velvet cake
cream cheese frosting (I'm guessing)
white chocolate
crushed candy cane

Others I've had have been about golf-ball size and fully enrobed in chocolate; these were nibbles, with chocolate on the top half or so. Slightly sticky, but seems much easier.

having it all

Several weeks ago I read in the paper about a famous feminist addressing a large group (sorry the details are so lacking). She asserted that the idea that women have it all is a myth; women won't have it all until men do half the childcare (I'm probably over-simplifying--sorry again).

That assertion, with its vague pronoun "it," got me thinking. What does "having it all" entail? I would expect that equal opportunity is a big part of "it," but I don't think all women would define "it" the same way, and I believe some women do have the "it" they want.

I also thought about a couple shows we've been watching lately: Mad Men and Amazing Race. In the first, the setting is NYC in the early 1960s. Women are housewives, secretaries, and mistresses; men are chauvinist pigs. The roles and views are maddening, but expected given the setting. The latter show is a present day reality show in which 2-person teams compete in a race around the world, completing physical and mental challenges along the way. Teams include 2-men, 2-women, and man-woman. This season there were 3 boyfriend-girlfriend couples, and in all three, the guys were often jerks to their girlfriends, blaming them every time something went wrong. Now, these teams were in high-stress situations, which can bring out the worst in all of us, and the guys seemed to improve over the course of the race, but show after show the men belittled the women, and the women put up with it--the couple with the meanest boyfriend even got engaged.

In thinking about these two shows, it seems to me that while women have gained much in equality over the last 50 years, attitudes about women need improvement. The fact that men do more of the childcare than our fathers or grandfathers did is evidence of shifting attitudes, but I don't think that an equalization of such duties is the solution to perception problems. A bigger part of the solution, I believe, is respect. Women who respect themselves can be happy and successful as housewives or in careers (or doing both), and don't put up with men who mistreat them. Men who respect women treat them as equals (not to be confused with sameness).

I do think that women should get equal pay for equal work, that men should help around the house, that women and girls should have opportunities for education. Many women have very little and want more; many men likewise lack what they need and want. But I think there are women--have always been women--who had enough self-respect to earn the respect of others, and in that sense, have been rich.

busy

My busiest semester in years is winding down--yay! Finished grading research papers almost 2 weeks ago, had last class Thursday. One of my students commented, "You seem more excited about the class ending than we are." Guess I could have tried to hide the excitement. Still have about 250 pages to grade, but these last papers and projects go relatively quickly.

Friday, my first weekday in months without class, E refused to nap. She's complained for some time, but this time she utterly refused. Thank heaven she napped all semester--I genuinely needed her to--now that the need isn't there, I'm afraid the naps will disappear. Pretty sure the other kids quit napping by this age.

birthdays

At the end of his 13th birthday (long after he should have fallen asleep), S let me know his day had been a disappointment. Not terrible, just not as special as he'd hoped.

At first I felt defensive--hadn't I woken up at 6:30, gotten him breakfast and made his lunch? Special trip to Target to buy hazelnuts for the homemade chocolate hazelnut cheesecake. No hassling about excessive video gaming after school. Dinner out--not Tucanos, as he might have wished, but an enormous bacon, cheddar cheeseburger (Iggy's). Free ice cream sundae to himself, plus said cheesecake later. Received everything he asked for (a couple video games) and more.

Later I thought about what I could have done more--I could have made a big breakfast instead of getting Costco cinnamon rolls out of the freezer. Could have made a more special lunch, or taken him out. Could have decorated with balloons and such.

Daughter A recently announced that she wants a big bunch of balloons and/or flowers delivered to school on her birthday (in spring). I'd actually had a similar thought a few days earlier, when one of my students received a balloons and flowers in class. But then I thought that other kids would feel jealous. Maybe that's the point, and my kids are usually the ones feeling jealous. This morning I thought, maybe I should deliver balloons to S today at school, but then I thought, he's in 7th grade, attending a high school, and I'm his mom. Not cool.


I'm not going to beat myself up too much--I've long realized that while I'm reasonably good at a number of things, celebrating holidays in memorably excessive ways is not one of those things. I'm working on it.

simplify

So far this experiment isn't going well (I'm not writing, and, well, thanks, Anna, for being my audience). One positive, though, is that I am thinking about what I might write much more often than is here evident.

Last week I missed two book groups. The first, in my new neighborhood, read A Gift from the Sea (Anne Morrow Lindburgh). I read it several years ago and still had my copy--got about halfway in and decided to follow Lindburgh's advice and simplify my life; therefore, didn't finish the book and skipped the group. Another day I might have opted for the social interaction, but had several commitments that day and felt E and I deserved a quiet morning at home.

The second group, in my former neighborhood, read Tuesdays with Morrie. Liked it the first time, but not in the mood to face it again (or cry through book group, which I would have done, particularly since one of our members is in the middle of chemo).

6 research papers down and 40 to go. Sigh. Can't wait until next semester, when I'll teach only one section and have a grad student grading half the papers.