t.v.

While paging through a parenting magazine in a doctor's office I read this advice for healthy marriages: Spend at least 5 hours per week alone together (watching t.v. doesn't count). Call me unimaginative, but what on earth would we do for 5 hours alone, every week? And besides, what's wrong with watching t.v. together?

I don't love t.v. As a teenager I imagined raising bilingual children who snacked on veggies and didn't watch t.v. Instead, our children are decidedly monolingual (the two older kids are taking Latin), live on sugar, and drift from screen to screen. I married a man who likes screens. We have 3 large-screen t.v.s, 2000 channels (give or take), Roku, Netfliks, 3 video game systems, personal hand-held devices, multiple computers. When designing this house N stipulated that we needed to be able to see the t.v. easily from the kitchen or he'd never cook again.

But one great thing about t.v. is that once our kids are watching something they agree upon, they don't fight. And more than that, there's something to be said for shared experience--even if it's a t.v. show, video game, or movie. (Frankly I don't understand the rationale some people have that it's o.k. to watch movies and play video games, but not watch t.v.)

There are several shows we've watched as a family: American Idol (a couple seasons--not this one yet); Amazing Race (one season); Friday Night Lights, which is great for introducing topics like sex education; Glee (parental discretion also advised); and most recently, Top Gear (N and I have other shows we watch after the kids go to bed). Maybe not as memorable and worthwhile as sledding or baseball, but t.v. can nonetheless encourage discussion, good feelings, and a sense of community. If I had to choose between reading different books in the same room or watching the same show together, I'd say that a good show shared brings a greater sense of togetherness than the literature unshared.

N recently remarked, "You should watch more t.v. while you fold laundry." To which I replied, "Maybe you should do more laundry while you watch t.v." Then one day when I'd allowed 3 batches to pile up (spread across my bed to minimize wrinkling), I turned on the Daily Show while I folded. And you know what? N was right. Folding wasn't a chore, and I didn't feel guilty about watching t.v. (funny thing--just today at book group a friend said she allows clean laundry to pile up for that reason). But usually I fold laundry one batch at a time with my 2 year old nearby, so I don't watch t.v. And N has not yet tried my suggestion.

back to the books

After months of reading nothing but student papers, I love having time to read books again. The problem is that once I start a good book I don't want to put it down til I reach the end. I am better than I once was at closing my book at a decent hour and saving it for when work is done, but if I have to choose between grading papers and reading my book, I certainly would prefer the latter. So, here's what I read in January:

Beekeeper's Apprentice, by Laurie King. Enjoyable, would be great for book group. Set in UK around WWII. A sharp young lady meets the retired Sherlock Holmes and becomes his apprentice.

One Sunday when E was napping with N, and my Beekeeper's Apprentice was in their napping room, I picked up The Lightning Thief, by Rick Riordan. Our three older kids (and most of my students) have read this book, so I figured I should read it to be culturally literate. It's a fun read and well-done, and although Beekeeper's has a more advanced vocabulary, older characters, and more complex situations and relationships, both books are mysteries and coming-of-age stories.

After the first two, I guess I had caught the reading bug, because then I picked up an epic: The Children's Book, by A. S. Byatt. Almost 900 pages (paperback), spanning several families and about 25 years, filled with historical and cultural references, symbolism, and allegories, this was not a quick read. For the first 100 pages I had a tough time keeping track of all the characters, and somewhere in the middle I wondered if sex was going to be the main theme for the rest of the book. But I liked how Byatt approached many themes--gender, class, war, activism, industrialism, religion, emperialism, sex, marriage, death, art/craft--from multiple perspectives. And I found that the historical & cultural context enriched the story (though I'm not a great student of history and skimmed much), and the story brought the context to life.

I should probably focus on other things (papers, exercise, laundry, my family) for a few days before immersing myself in another book. The next will be short and sweet: A Room with a View (for book group).

skim milk

I should have known, based on tight waistbands, but the scale's verdict is worse than expected. I consider my options. A couple relatives have recently had success with Weight Watchers, but I lack the commitment (money, time, effort). If I go on a diet, I know I'll think of nothing but food. So, I try to think long term: six from now, I'd like to be 5 pounds lighter. Shouldn't be tough. All I need to do is exercise a few times a week and eat sensibly. That night I bake brownies.

Next day, I reduce portion sizes. Smaller meals, fewer snacks. I tell myself to keep desserts to 100 calories: fun size candy bars, 1 cookie, small bowl of pudding, or 2 bites of cheesecake. I tell myself it's good to feel a little hungry sometimes. For about 2 weeks I stick to my plan (not much exercise, since it's fall semester and I'm swamped) and lose 2 pounds. Then comes December . . . ("I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it," Alice in Wonderland.)

The one benefit of being sick the first week of January is that I take off the 2 pounds that I regained in December. If I'm lucky I can go with the momentum, but I lack resolve. Someone has a baby--I bake cookies. We go out for ice cream--I order premium. Someone has a birthday--I make cake balls (carrot cake, cream cheese frosting, coconut/white chocolate/butterscotch coatings).

So, here's my long-term solution: skim milk. If 1500 calories = 1 lb., then I should lose a pound per month without having to cut desserts, count calories, or join a gym.

N and the kids complain: skim milk is an abomination--what's it doing in our fridge (never mind the 3 gallons of 1%)? I'm not convinced either--after 17 years of 1%, I find that skim tastes like water. Besides, I'm concerned that skim milk will give me a false sense of calorie savings and I'll compensate by adding elsewhere.

The only weight-loss programs that have worked for me were marrying a thin guy with undiagnosed acid reflux (he ate small portions, slowly) and nursing babies (we're done). I'm glad that N can eat like a normal person now (for the past several years, in fact), but his gain is my gain.

A neighbor recently told me has never been into making lavish meals or spending money at good restaurants--she just doesn't care much about food. Weird. I never knew there were people who didn't care about food.

But, then, I guess you wouldn't expect a person who calls her blog "Cake balls" to be thin.

from the 2 year old

That's the song about "Mickey Mouse is Taking a Bath." Let's all sing together--1, 2, 3, 4

Let's call my friend Sophie. She's very, very tiny like me.

I need to check my email.

I see an octagon! (stop sign)

M: You look cold.
E: I look awesome.

S: Ew, gross.
E: Not gross--cute. (referring to her posterior)

M: Ready for a nap?
E: My not tired; my just happy.

M: Why did you put your snack on the floor?
E: It's for my friend's kitty.

E: Where's grandpa?
M: In heaven
E: What's he buying?

red velvet

A neighbor brought cake balls--German chocolate and red velvet. The latter are especially wonderful:
red velvet cake
cream cheese frosting (I'm guessing)
white chocolate
crushed candy cane

Others I've had have been about golf-ball size and fully enrobed in chocolate; these were nibbles, with chocolate on the top half or so. Slightly sticky, but seems much easier.

having it all

Several weeks ago I read in the paper about a famous feminist addressing a large group (sorry the details are so lacking). She asserted that the idea that women have it all is a myth; women won't have it all until men do half the childcare (I'm probably over-simplifying--sorry again).

That assertion, with its vague pronoun "it," got me thinking. What does "having it all" entail? I would expect that equal opportunity is a big part of "it," but I don't think all women would define "it" the same way, and I believe some women do have the "it" they want.

I also thought about a couple shows we've been watching lately: Mad Men and Amazing Race. In the first, the setting is NYC in the early 1960s. Women are housewives, secretaries, and mistresses; men are chauvinist pigs. The roles and views are maddening, but expected given the setting. The latter show is a present day reality show in which 2-person teams compete in a race around the world, completing physical and mental challenges along the way. Teams include 2-men, 2-women, and man-woman. This season there were 3 boyfriend-girlfriend couples, and in all three, the guys were often jerks to their girlfriends, blaming them every time something went wrong. Now, these teams were in high-stress situations, which can bring out the worst in all of us, and the guys seemed to improve over the course of the race, but show after show the men belittled the women, and the women put up with it--the couple with the meanest boyfriend even got engaged.

In thinking about these two shows, it seems to me that while women have gained much in equality over the last 50 years, attitudes about women need improvement. The fact that men do more of the childcare than our fathers or grandfathers did is evidence of shifting attitudes, but I don't think that an equalization of such duties is the solution to perception problems. A bigger part of the solution, I believe, is respect. Women who respect themselves can be happy and successful as housewives or in careers (or doing both), and don't put up with men who mistreat them. Men who respect women treat them as equals (not to be confused with sameness).

I do think that women should get equal pay for equal work, that men should help around the house, that women and girls should have opportunities for education. Many women have very little and want more; many men likewise lack what they need and want. But I think there are women--have always been women--who had enough self-respect to earn the respect of others, and in that sense, have been rich.

busy

My busiest semester in years is winding down--yay! Finished grading research papers almost 2 weeks ago, had last class Thursday. One of my students commented, "You seem more excited about the class ending than we are." Guess I could have tried to hide the excitement. Still have about 250 pages to grade, but these last papers and projects go relatively quickly.

Friday, my first weekday in months without class, E refused to nap. She's complained for some time, but this time she utterly refused. Thank heaven she napped all semester--I genuinely needed her to--now that the need isn't there, I'm afraid the naps will disappear. Pretty sure the other kids quit napping by this age.